Friday, July 10, 2015

Struggling to Care about Others

I'm sure this happens to everyone, where you have days when it's hard to care about other people's problems.

I consider myself a very considerate person and sometimes I care too much about other people instead of taking care of myself.

Then there are days when I'm listening to my friends talk about the things going on in their lives and all I can think about is how easy they have it. I mean I know there are people out there who have it much worse than I do. I'm just talking about when friends are talking about how hard school is and that sort of thing.

Those are the times when I feel like saying, I'm sure this is difficult for you, but at least you are mentally and physically healthy. At least you can handle working a full time job. At least you have one! Meanwhile I deal with feeling exhausted every day and can't even enjoy the beautiful sunshine because if I stay outside in the heat and direct sunlight I start feeling sick. You don't have to worry that at any minute your mind might turn on you and decide that it's time to start feeling sad for no reason. Or having to police yourself because if you do feel happy you want to make sure you don't seem too happy.

I guess what I'm saying is it's hard to feel sympathetic sometimes when you have so much going on internally. Bipolar can feel like an internal conflict sometimes that you just get tired of trying to control. Maybe that's why I usually feel tired? Haha.

But I love my friends, so usually I just listen to them and try to help in anyway I can. Meanwhile, this internal conflict I usually am able to sort out through writing.

So, I guess what I'm asking is how do you deal with it all? And I hope this post doesn't make seem all bitter. Because most of the time I not.  

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