Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I am now on!

I was having a pretty low day yesterday but I received some good news. I am now on Stigma Fighters! I wrote a short piece about living with Bipolar Disorder.

Here is the link:

I found the website through twitter and it's a really great site.

People from all over write about their lives with mental illness. It's comforting to read other people's stories and reminds you that you are not alone in your struggles.

Happy reading everyone!

Monday, September 28, 2015

Colds and Depression

Do you ever start feeling depressed when you get sick?

It's something I've noticed that will happen to me sometimes. It's easier to give in to the "I'll just stay in bed all day feeling" because you're sick. Now, I'm not saying I always get depressed when I'm sick, I'm just saying it feels like it's easier slide into a depression when you  have an excuse to stay in bed longer than you need to.

So, I have a cold and I feel gross. I've just started working again, substitute teaching. However now that I've caught this cold I'm debating if I should go into work tomorrow and spread my cold germs to all the children. I'll see how I feel.

Mental Illness is tricky that way I suppose. Physical symptoms can turn into emotional symptoms and vice versa. Sometimes Bipolar can make you physically hurt. I know when I'm tense and anxious my whole body will ache for days afterwards.

I suppose the reason why being sick can lead to depression at least in my case, is you don't really feel like eating anything or have any energy to do anything. Then slowly you can sink into that whole "I feel worthless" state and it's all down hill from there.

I don't think that will happen this time however. I've things to do and look forward to, so even if I do let myself stay in bed for a few hours longer than I usually do.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Aching Vulnerability: A Poem about Anxiety and Depression

Aching Vulnerability: A Poem about Anxiety and Depression

It always starts out with just a lingering thought in the back of my mind:
"You can't do it"
"You're not strong enough"
"Why are you even trying?"

I don't believe them in the beginning
but slowly
ever so slowly
I'm convinced that those thoughts are true

I start feeling weaker
things become harder
the ache in my throat larger
I want to cry
to give in

Because I start believing it'll be easier
to just stop trying
to stop fighting
all the emotions trying to take over
my vulnerable mind

And sometimes I do give in
even if it's just for a minute
laying in bed with covers over my head
crying into my pillow
willing for it all to just go away and stop

But then I remind myself that all those thoughts
aren't really true.
I've done this before
and I'll do it again.

I will get up
and I will keep on being strong
even if it is harder
even if I do have to take things
One moment at a time.