Off Days: What To Do With Them

Today was definitely an "off day" for me.

The kind of day you don't want to admit that something is wrong and it's not just that you don't want to go to work.

I've written a lot about working in this blog, because that's something that stresses me out and I'm still getting used to it.

Lately it seems Wednesdays are the hardest days for me to get up and go to work. Tuesdays are usually fine, because I don't normally work on Mondays, but the past two weeks I have worked Monday. Last week I was lucky and only had to stay at work on Wednesday for half of a day. The week before, it just didn't happen.

Today, I woke up after pushing the snooze button on my alarm three times to where I was going to be at least fifteen minutes late. It didn't help that the day before I had a really frustrating day and I didn't want to have to put myself back in that environment. To make things worse I'd felt weepy all day, and then found out before I went to bed that one of my favorite professors had died.

To say the least, I didn't wake up feeling motivated to do anything let alone go to work.

Then the guilt sets in. I start piling it all on thinking about how I should have just gone to work because I need to make the money. And how I'm lazy and a bad person because I didn't go. I start worrying about what is my boss going to think of me and is she going to be angry?

Most of these thoughts are not even realistic. Of course I need to make the money, but that can be solved by working an extra day or even two half days if I really need to split them up. I'm lucky that my boss is understanding. Of course I don't want to take advantage of this, but then again I don't want to compromise my health either.

I'm not going to lie and say I haven't spent some of today feeling guilty and bad about myself. But sometimes you have to let yourself feel these things. So I told myself I'd let myself feel bad for some of today but then I'm going to do something that will make me feel better, even if I feel like I don't deserve it. So I'm going to hang out with my friend and that's that. I'm done feeling bad about myself for today.

Tomorrow is going to be better and work is going to be fine.

What do you do when you have off days?

A Hard Week

It's been a bit of a hard week and it's not even Friday yet.

I find myself feeling unmotivated and just sort of annoyed at everyone. I don't really feel like doing anything but at the same time I wish I was doing something. Especially something that had a result. Like money. That would be nice haha. To make my own money and feel like I'm not so dependent on my family for everything.

I'm thankful and grateful for my family I really am don't get me wrong, but to feel so utterly dependent can be kind of depressing. I feel as though I'm taking and taking without giving anything in return sometimes. I know a lot of this is just the side of me that feels like I'm unworthy, when I know I am anything but unworthy. But still

This blog is not supposed to be a rambling of my feelings however, so. I made an Etsy shop today selling some scarves I've been making in all my free time. (I can only ship in the U.S unfortunately) I don't know if anyone will actually buy them, but if any of you are interested here is the link Nabilah Knits.

Also I read a really nice article on To Write Love on Her Arms called "Learning to Accept Love for Yourself." It was very inspiring and a nice short read. I think we all sometimes forget to accept love and that we are worth loving. I know I do. I give love away so easily but always find it really hard to believe people when they say they love me back. Or will even tell me how kind I am etc. It's not that I don't know these things, it's more of I just am kind because I don't understand the purpose of being horribly mean to people. Anyways I hope you enjoy the article and check out the scarves if you like!

Until next time...