Defining Moments

Some weeks it seems I can't stop writing, while other weeks I'll draw a blank. This is one of those weeks. Maybe it's the grey clouds that have been drifting in the sky the past few days or the fact that I've had yet another cloud that has been the cause for my lack of inspiration lately.

It's frustrating to be home sick, but I'm glad I didn't go into work because I wouldn't have been of any use there. Thankfully I'm feeling much better today so I spent most of the afternoon watching Gossip Girl. It's funny how watching a tv show about insanely rich, and honestly unlikeable people can be entertaining. It's fun to watch pretty people in pretty clothing be mean to each I guess. Maybe it's because sometimes I wish I could be more...not mean exactly, but bold, say what's truly on my mind. It's something I continuously have to work on, not being so nice all the time. Sometimes it's good to be able to say things to people without holding back or sugar coating things.

Anyways, I've been thinking about moments lately, defining moments. Like moments that are supposedly important in your life: graduating high school or college, getting married, or having your first child, that sort of thing. I think we tend to measure our lives by these moments and forget the smaller perhaps more important moments. Like when we're finally comfortable being alone and facing the silence. When we're no longer afraid of the dark. When we finally start to feel like we can truly make it on our own. Being able to call and make our own doctors appointments. Buying our own groceries and cooking a decent meal. Doing these little every day things that are actually really important and maybe even the key to finding some happiness and contentment. To be happy with who you are and what you've become.

Writing

I'm a writer by nature, it would seem. Sometimes I have to write: poetry, stories, journal entries, or even just a sentence to try and get my thoughts in order.

Lately, I've been trying to finish a short story and I feel like the words simply won't come to me. I know, it's probably just writers block. I find that if a lot is going on my life, or maybe not even a lot of things happening really, but just if I'm having a lot of feelings, it's harder to write.

So if I write about all of the things I'm worried or anxious about, or things that are just bothering me it tends to clear my mind and help me be able to focus on the fictional world of the stories I've created in my head.

I guess what I'm saying is it seems really hard to focus on writing about fictional things when I have so much that is going on in my day to day life.

Keeping a journal whether in a word document or a notebook, has seemed to really help me through the ups and downs of my life. Not just the manias and depressions, but even the stable happy and sad moments that happen in life. Going to see a really good movie when I have a night out with my girlfriends, or when someone close to me passes away, keeping a record of how I'm feeling makes these things seem not as hard to face.

Of course it is always interesting to read through old journals and see what I kept track of. What was important to me five years ago seems almost trivial to me now. It makes m
e smile to read about how proud I was when I received my first A on an English paper in Professor Bond's class. Or getting my first gold medal in a figure skating competition. It reminds me while those things may seem trivial they are important. It reminds me of the little accomplishments that I have done over the years and that I should be proud of myself for those little things.

It really is the little things that matter most. And I will finish that short story!